Hidemi's Rambling No.165

Next to my apartment is a parking lot. A large noise of a car engine without a muffler woke me up early in the morning today. Sick people who enjoy driving a car without an engine muffler and with a booming car stereo are increasing here. I was able to go back to sleep but then the neighbor kids’ voice disturbed my sleep again. The window of my room looks out on the front yard of a neighbor’s house. Kids and idle housewives were playing and talking loudly. Kids are my archenemies. They relentlessly attack me with their evil, high-pitched voices and shrieks. When I first moved in here, there were few houses around. But soon, more and more houses were built, more families were moving in, and I got surrounded by kids. Every time I move somewhere quiet, the area quickly gets booming and kids are running everywhere destroying my cozy living environment. Now that I’ve decided to move, the destination should be someplace quiet, kids-free, bugs-free, and hopefully, people-free…

Hidemi's Rambling No.164

This spring has been the strangest one so far. It came after the coldest winter in 50 years and repeated a sudden surge and drop in temperature. One day it’s hot like summer and the next day it returns to the bitter cold of winter. I’ve had my fair share of headaches thanks to that. I’m not the only one with a confused condition. A bug is, too. As I’ve mentioned here before, I have a strong phobia about bugs. My apartment is heavily armed by numerous bug repellers, such as electrical, herbal, you name it. The other day, it was very cold like winter, and yet, a bug appeared in my room, right next to an electrical bug repeller. Impossible. A couple of weeks earlier, a light switch of the bathroom got broken. Combined it with the inconceivable way of the bug’s appearance, I took them as signs to move out this apartment. The last time I moved was also when I found a bug and a light switch of the bathroom got broken. It was the best decision as the move turned my luck. I’ve started packing my stuff even though I have no idea where to move. I’ve got a lot of cheap stuff as a result of sale-hunting and have little time to pack, so it will take a long time to move, anyway…

Hidemi's Rambling No.163

I happened to see some episodes of ‘Heroes’ Season 1 again, and recognized for the first time that Claire’s boyfriend was John Connor of ‘Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles’. I’ve watched many episodes of both shows but hadn’t noticed it until now. Also, I found Summer of ‘The O.C.’ in ‘Heroes’ Season 1. When I was watching ‘Heroes’, I never knew it was Summer because I hadn’t seen ‘The O.C.’ yet then. In Japan, U.S. TV shows are selected to be broadcast too randomly that we can’t follow the order of production. Besides, the final season of my most favorite show, ‘LOST’, hasn’t even started here yet. Its premiere is at the end of May, so I still have to wait for a whole month although the story must be close to the finale in U.S. The time difference of TV shows between Japan and U.S. is staggering. I feel like I live the past as in episodes of ‘Terminator’…

Hidemi's Rambling No.162

I record TV shows on a hard disk. TV shows consume large space of it and I have periodically added an external hard disk to my computer. The remaining space got close to 100 gigabytes, which meant that it was about time for me to add one more hard disk. I found one for 1.5 terabytes at the lowest price online, being sold as this particular weekend’s special. I knew the ports of my computer were all occupied and the same store also carried a hub at half price of the regularly lowest price as their 10th opening anniversary special. I got them thinking how lucky I was. They arrived on the next day and I never thought they came this quickly. I set them up to my computer within the day, tried recording, and every process went extremely smoothly without a hitch. I felt so excited at this series of events concerning my new hard disk. On the other hand, I still don’t have enough time to watch or edit the recorded shows. I can no longer remember the reason to keep recording…

Hidemi's Rambling No.161

I reconsidered the ending of our new song as my partner had suggested. To me, it was just right as it was no matter how many times I listened to it. Therefore, the ending wasn’t changed. During the work, my partner noticed the volume of the bass drum was too low. I agreed on it and boosted it. Then, the bass guitar needed to be boosted accordingly. I thought the song was completed when the ending was settled, but now, I’m working for the mix down again. Could it be an endless loop or something?…

Hidemi's Rambling No.160

Once, on the festival for the local shrine of my hometown, my favorite grandfather on my mother’s side and I were talking alone at the front yard of my house. He knew a lot about plants and taught me the names of trees in the yard. There was a rooftop space above the garage and it was surrounded by a fence. We went up the rooftop and my grandfather began to climb the fence. I tried to stop him but he said he could walk along the top of the fence. He was a war veteran and had been a POW in Russia for many years. In those days, according to him, Russian soldiers made POWs climb up tall chimneys and shot them from the ground for fun. His fellow POWs fell or got shot to death. Luckier men continued to climb up and survived. My grandfather was one of the latter. Although he was old and a little drunk after the festival meal, he balanced himself and walked on the narrow fence, which was merely 3 inches wide and 13 feet above the ground. Watching him easily walking on the fence, I understood how dreadful his life as a POW was. This must be a cinch for him compared to forced acrobatics. He jumped off the fence and said smiling, ‘See? It’s easy!’ while I was crying for many reasons…

Hidemi's Rambling No.159

A family gathering brings uncomfortable incidents to me. The festival for the local shrine of my hometown was a typical occasion in my childhood. We would have sukiyaki as a special treat for the festival at home with our relatives. All of us would eat from one big pan, which was set at the center of a table on a portable stove. I have seven cousins and two of them are younger than I am. They’re my uncle’s kids and used to be very ill behaved. I largely attribute my strong dislike of children to them. They wouldn’t touch vegetables in sukiyaki and ate only beef. When someone asked them why, they said it was because their mother had strictly told them to eat as much beef as they could, which was the most expensive item cooked in sukiyaki and was free here since the meal was our house’s treat. Their father, my uncle, would get nasty when he drank. He came to me and said, ‘You, peasant! Peasant!’ again and again because I was a daughter of farmers. Looking at these wretched relatives of mine, I broke into tears with a feeling of misery…

Hidemi's Rambling No.158

Around this time of year, a festival for a local shrine is held in my hometown. Once a year, the regional god comes out of the shrine, travels by a sacred portable shrine to a temporary lodging and stays there for a while. Young men in the area help the god travel by carrying the portable shrine and it’s sort of a parade. By tradition, my father would take a bath first thing in the morning, get dressed in white and leave for the shrine with the neighbor men. Meanwhile, women prepare the festival meal at home as all the relatives come together. We would eat sushi and sukiyaki and go see my father carry the portable shrine as the parade passed near our home. To me, it was a dismal event. For one thing, I didn’t like a family gathering. For another, it was a grudge. Every twelfth year, the shrine holds a special version of the festival. As it’s a bigger celebration, they choose a child from the area to accompany with the god on the portable shrine. They tend to choose from old families residing there for generations. Once, my family was chosen for the blessed child for the occasion. I’m a firstborn and was to be chosen. But I was denied only because I was a girl. Only men were allowed to carry or touch the portable shrine and I still hold grudges to date…

Hidemi's Rambling No.157

I had an interesting dream the other night. In it, I was in my parents’ house in my hometown. My father set a bomb in my purse to blow up the house. I ran out to escape and found that the house was placed at the bottom of a deep pit. The only way to survive was to climb up a steep slope to the edge of the pit. While climbing it desperately with all my force, I saw a rainbow on the edge. Finally I reached to the edge. There was nobody else except me who was out of the pit. I looked up at the sky and saw a gigantic red dragon. When I was awed by the beautiful sight, fireworks began. And I woke up. I thought something very good might happen to me because I saw several items which are regarded as of good omen, such as a rainbow, a dragon, and fireworks. But then again, I know nothing will happen from my experience. I once saw a dream of picking up a large coin of $10 million and yet nothing has happened…

Hidemi's Rambling No.156

I finished the mix down of our new song and had my partner listen to it for further adjustments. Unexpectedly, while he OK’d the mix, he suggested a shorter ending. It is long, to be sure. I tend to go into arrangements more deeply than composition. In this case, I represent getting alone gradually by removing one instrument at a time at the end of the song. As a result, the song has an unusually long ending. I decided to reconsider it. After all, my work for the new song still continues. I never expected to revise its structure at this final stage instead of the mix…

Hidemi's Rambling No.155

I had a haircut at the beauty salon after an interval of eleven months. I’m not a big fan of a beauty salon. It’s too time-consuming and inefficient. It takes two hours for a haircut, with hairdressers hearing a customer’s desired style at a different space, washing hair twice, damping hair again for a set after drying it completely, serving a cup of tea, adjusting the style over and over, etc. My hair was very long and I wanted it to be much shorter. But the hairdresser was quite reluctant to cut that much and I had to ask twice to get it shorter. A different hairdresser was in charge of drying my hair before my hairdresser came for a set. She talked to me at the same volume whether a hairdryer was on or not, which meant I couldn’t hear her while the hairdryer was on. I got tired of asking again after a few attempts and just nodded to whatever she was talking about. The best thing at the beauty salon for me is the magazine they put in front of me. I’m not interested in the contents, but in the kind. They usually select the magazines for a much younger reader than I am. That makes me feel good because it means I look younger for my actual age. I’ve boasted it for years. But this time, they selected the ones targeted at my actual age group. Also, they asked me if I apply gray hair coloring at home. My glorious days of looking younger are finally gone…

Hidemi's Rambling No.154

I saw an episode of ‘LOST’ in which Mr. Eko on his deathbed told Locke that he was next. I was stunned because I knew the similar thing happened in real life. It seems that people look back and judge themselves when they are nearing their ends. Not long before his death, my grandfather suddenly told my parents that he wanted to go to the department store where he once worked vigorously and had to leave to succeed the family. My parents thought his consciousness grew dim because they assumed that he meant shopping, which he was too frail to do. I know what he really meant. He realized that he should not have given up what he wanted to do for his life. On his deathbed, he pointed at my mother and said, ‘You’re next.’ I wonder if she would end up like him. Surely she looks a strong candidate for that matter…

Hidemi's Rambling No.153

When my grandfather was young, his father wanted him to be a schoolteacher. He had been visiting schools to have his son hired. Behind his back, my grandfather, who didn’t want to be a teacher, secretly applied to the biggest department store in the city and got accepted for the job there without any connections. It was a famous, long-standing department store and before he started his job there was a three-way interview, the company personnel, my grandfather and his father. Now he came to a point to tell the truth to his father. Because he knew how much his father wanted to see him as a teacher, he braced himself for a stormy opposition. Instead, his father came to the interview, suggested to eat out on their way home, and ordered unusually expensive dishes for both of them, saying, ‘This is the best day of my life. I’ve never been this happy.’ My grandfather was quickly regarded as an executive candidate for his earnest and diligent work. But only a few months later, his father suddenly died. He was a farmer and the family lost its breadwinner and the master of the house. My grandfather had no choice other than quitting his job to take care of the family as a successor. He gave up his dream, became a farmer and dedicated his life solely to succeed the family, which I left although I was supposed to succeed…

Hidemi's Rambling No.152

It was my grandfather’s birthday on Sunday. He would be 100 years old if he was still alive. His motto was to live until 100 years old. The reason was simple. A TV show. There was a show in Japan that introduced people who were 100 years old along with their family and their daily life. My grandfather’s dream was to appear and be introduced in the show. He always had to be the center of attention. Every time his name happened to be mentioned in a local paper or a community bulletin, he would underline his name, clip the article, and show it to everyone. To me, it looked so stupid because he kept pointing at the underlined name although I knew his name duly. He craved to be famous. So, to be 100 years old was the chance of a lifetime for him to be on TV. He instructed us to be prepared for the filming. For instance, he told me to return home on the day of filming and answer questions about him from a reporter in front of the camera. His dream didn’t come true and I was the only one who celebrated his 100th birthday…

Hidemi's Rambling No.151

In place of my parents who were busy working out in a field as farmers from dawn till late night, I was raised by my grandmother. Although I spent most of time at home with her, we had a quite distant relationship. She was rigid and quiet, and I had felt tense all the time. She was friendly to my younger sister but with me, she herself seemed strained. I was regarded as a successor of the family back then and she treated me like some sort of VIP. She didn’t accept idle talk and didn’t understand any joke. Whenever I was talking casually, she stopped what she was doing right away and fixed her eyes on me to listen. So, it was impossible to have relaxed conversation with her. Also, she was strict about manners and chided me for my way of eating, sitting at the table, or walking. Consequently, our mealtimes were silent. Sometimes, she would set my meal at the table perfectly and retreat to her room like a servant. She hardly talked about anything personal, and even when I asked, she just shrugged it off as if it was irrelevant. I had lived with her for over 20 years but I never knew her. Three years have passed since she passed away, and she still remains as a mystery to me…

Hidemi's Rambling No.150

The house in which I grew up was about 100 years old. Pieces of the wall plaster were falling off little by little and it was to be rebuilt when I was ten. During the days of moving out, my grandmother took out an old paper talisman from her ancient drawers. It had a mysterious picture on it. According to my grandmother, the talisman drew clothes if it was kept in drawers so that the drawers would be filled with clothes. She gave it to me and told me that I would never be short of clothes. I didn’t say out loud but thought it wouldn’t work because I knew how small her wardrobe was. When our new house was completed, I had my own room for the first time and kept the talisman in my wardrobe. As I thought, I was always short of clothes for years. Although the talisman didn’t work, I brought it with me when I left my hometown. Since then, the number of my clothes has been increasing and now, my closet is full of clothes. The talisman does work after all, but it has an awfully delayed effect. Another magic is, that almost all of my clothes cost around $10…

Hidemi's Rambling No.149

Today is Buddha’s birthday. I had lived with my grandmother until I left my hometown and she led a secluded life. She rarely went out but the Buddhist event was one of her exceptions. Although she had a limp and hated to step out of the house, she was willing to take a one-hour train ride alone to the head temple of Buddhism. There, she would pour special sweetened tea over a statue of Buddha and bring the tea home. Drinking it was supposed to make us healthy and happy. Unfortunately, it tasted horrible. Since it was considered sacred and a precious result of my grandmother’s rare long trip, I had to finish it thankfully with a forced smile. It was no more than annual torture for me…

Hidemi's Rambling No.148

Last night, I had a dream about being disliked. I got on the bus with my mother and there were a few dogs aboard. She told me to pick one dog as a favorite and I pointed at one dog. He looked at me startled, wrenched open the window and ran away by jumping out of the bus. Then, my mother detailed what she hated about me one by one, and it went forever. When I looked outside, a teenage boy was slapped and scolded by his father who shouted ‘You’re no use! You’re a disgrace!’ I was thinking, ‘I’m not the only one who isn’t loved. He is having a worse day than I am. Maybe my life is better than his. I’ll put this on my blog today anyway.’ And, I woke up…

Hidemi's Rambling No.147

When I woke up, it was already Easter evening. After lunch, I walked to the train station to shop for party foods. On my way, I enjoyed cherry blossoms in full bloom, taking pictures at a park. Because it was night, there was nobody in the park so that I monopolized the view in the quiet environment. One of a few good things living in Japan is safe enough to walk around a park at night. Then, I arrived at the supermarket at perfect timing as they had just started putting half-off stickers on the unsold prepared foods. I got tons of Chinese food and took more pictures of cherry blossoms from a pedestrian bridge on my way home. As soon as I came home, I had to take a bath because I’ve set a cutoff time for a bath not to disturb my next-door neighbors with the noise, which is all because of the thin walls of my apartment as I’ve mentioned. By the time I finally sat at the table for our Easter party, only half an hour was left to midnight. I had been looking forward to the party for some time but it turned out to be a short one…

Hidemi's Rambling No.146

An online supermarket had given me five-percent off coupons for its physical store. I was going to shop there yesterday but the weather was awful with strong winds. I stayed home, cleaning and doing the wash. The wind was picking up more and more, and at night, it was a storm like a typhoon that was quite unusual for this time of year. It was caused by the low-pressure system and as I was afraid, my headache started. As the storm got stronger, my headache got worse. With the noise of blowing winds and a bad headache, I couldn’t sleep well. About twice a year, some kids visit and stay with my neighbors two doors down, and their running footsteps disturb me because the walls of my apartment building are too thin. Unfortunately, yesterday was one of their visits. Their relentless drum roll footsteps joined with the storm and the headache in the morning and I got up with the three-way attack. Although the storm subsided, I couldn’t go to the store today because I felt ill from the severe night…

Hidemi's Rambling No.145

It’s April. Time for a new class, a new school, a new job, and a new life. I remember how disappointed I was at my college life when I started it. Everything was so stupid. To get out, I planned to go to school in England. I didn’t have any money and that was why I got my first after-school job. It was a cashier at a restaurant. The bar code era was years ahead and I had to memorize all the prices on the menu to put them on the register as quickly as possible. People came to the place all at once at dinnertime and the cashier wasn’t allowed to be slow punching down the keys of the register by looking at the price one by one. I memorized innumerable prices and punched the keys fast, but there was one thing I couldn’t manage to do. Changing small rolls of paper inside the register. It had two rolls inside, one for receipts for customers, and one for the record for the headquarters. When it’s running out, the color of paper turned pink. My boss told me how to change it with a new roll for several times, but I couldn’t get it anyway. Every time the pink paper came out, the only thing I did was to pray that the paper would last until my shift was over. It worked for a month, and then, my luck ran out with the paper. The customers came to check out ceaselessly after the roll for the record turned pink. The paper was finally out, but it was such a busy night and I kept punching the keys. When my shift was over, I was reprimanded, and worked overtime unpaid to complete the record by hand from the order sheets. My boss told me to conclude the record with my apology to the headquarters. Although I was supposed to write ‘I’m sorry’, I wrote ‘I’m not sorry’ by mistake. I burst into laughter while other workers were staring at me with stern faces. They say a cashier is one of the easiest jobs, even that I couldn’t do. I’ve been observing myself for many years and it seems there’s no job in this world that I can do satisfactorily…