Monday, August 30, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.235

In the TV series ‘LOST’, ‘candidates’ had met Jacob at one point of their lives, mostly at a young age and possibly at the miserable time. Thinking of a mysterious encounter, I may have met Jacob myself. When I was six or seven years old, my grandfather took me to my aunt’s house. They weren’t so well-off then, living in a small house with a lot of cats and dogs and eating from the aluminum plates. Across their house was a pachinko parlor. It was a really shabby place. My grandfather took me there and made me wait while he was playing. The place was small, filled with pachinko machines, cigarette smoke and down-and-outers. Since there was no waiting place for a kid, I was just strolling through the narrow aisles between the noisy machines and worn-out people. Suddenly, someone called me and I turned around. A man with sunglasses was standing behind me. He held two buckets of silver balls, which meant he had won a rare amount. The buckets were too full to hold the all balls and some of them were spilling. He pushed the buckets to me and said, ‘ Take these. Go exchange for your chocolates.’ Because he pressed them forcibly, I had no choice but to receive. And he disappeared. My grandfather was astounded when he saw me with the buckets and told me to return them to the man, but we couldn’t find him. I had never hold that much chocolate in my arms. The brand of the chocolate still remains my favorite but am I still a candidate? Or have I been blotted out long before…?

Friday, August 27, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.234

There is no formal casino in Japan. Instead, there are innumerable pachinko parlors all over Japan. A pachinko is a very popular Japanese gambling game that is partly like pinball and partly like slot. They buy small silver balls to play with, and the machine brings out the balls if they win. They exchange the balls for money or items like cigarettes and chocolates. For some reason, it’s not allowed to exchange directly for money. They get a certain strange item with their balls once, and exchange it for money at a small dark hut behind the building. A pachinko parlor is sort of a mix of a casino and a game arcade. It has a large number of pachinko machines side by side in aisles and exists around almost everywhere people live. Sadly, it doesn’t make people a millionaire. By playing all day, they win a few hundred dollars at most. As for me, I’ve never played a pachinko in my life. My life itself is awfully like gambling and I’m bogged down with it completely…

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.233

I often see people living in the States shoot hoops in their yard. In Japan, it’s almost impossible as the houses are crammed densely back-to-back with a very small yard or mostly none at all. Despite these circumstances, there appeared a daunting family who launched an outrage. They put up a net on the side of their house, which was facing the street directly, so that their kids could bounce a basketball on the street and shoot to the house’s outer wall. The street that is busy with people, bicycles and cars has now turned into their yard. Unfortunately, that crazy family lives so close to my apartment. The noise of a basketball hitting asphalt is very loud, resonating through walls of crammed houses. Since they started this assault, I’ve thought about complaining, but haven’t because I don’t want to get involved with this insane family, who willingly let their kids play on the public street and are fine with it. Yesterday, my sleep was disturbed by their noise two days in a row, as I slept in the daytime and worked at night. To the thin walls of my apartment, their dribble sounded like a continuous snare drum. The kids have expanded their street yard, closing in on me. That does it. It’s time for an action…

Monday, August 23, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.232

Many municipalities in Japan hold a fireworks display during summer. The one for where I live took place yesterday. It’s an annual event of 90-minute fireworks. When I first moved here, the fireworks were visible from the window of my apartment. But soon a house was built right in front of it and blocked the view. I had been out to see them since then and had found a perfect spot near my apartment. But then, Seven Eleven was built right in front of my spot and blocked the view. So, this year, the event started with spot hunting. Soon after the fireworks began, my partner found the spot. It was beside a fence that surrounded a construction site for a condominium that had been abandoned due to the recession. The fence stood on a five-foot-high mound. I needed to stand on the 15-inch-wide edge after climbing the steep mound. While my partner easily reached the spot, I was fighting with my fear of slopes. As I was about to give up, my partner declared that the spot had the most splendid view for the fireworks around here. With his help, I managed to get to the top of the mound in every conceivably clumsy way. There, I made a discovery. In addition to almost all kinds of phobia, I also had a fear of heights. For 90 minutes, I clung to the fence with all my strength that would be unnecessary for people except for me. But, the view was indeed magnificent, the best spot ever for this fireworks display. On top of that, thanks to the height, I got to see the fireworks of Tokyo Disneyland, which I had heard the sound every night but never been able to see from my neighborhood. And today, every muscle in my body is screaming from the climbing and clinging. Nothing ventured, nothing gained…

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.231

I’m poor at recognizing people’s faces. Sometimes they’re all the same – sometimes I can’t remember my acquaintance’s face. To me, Richard in ‘LOST’ and Mark in ‘Flash Forward’ is the same person. Even after I was told they were different actors, I still can’t see the difference between the two of them. When I lived in California, I had rented a room in a hotel where a long-term lease was available. The rent included breakfast and supper and I had eaten with other tenants or guests. One day, I went into the lounge where the supper was served as usual, after coming back from a vacation in Florida for a couple of weeks. A woman came up to me and asked, ‘How was Florida?’ I was frozen with terror. How could a total stranger like her ever possibly know I was in Florida? Is she a CIA or FBI or whatsoever agent? Why is the US intelligence after me who am the least important human being in the world? What did I do? What kind of threat is she posing to me? What does she want? With all those thoughts, the tongs in my hand were trembling while holding my favorite Chaw Main. I managed to squeeze my voice out of fear and asked her how she knew I was in Florida. She stared at me with a look of surprise and said, ‘You told me so yourself.’ She was my acquaintance. Although we had had a meal together for several times, I didn’t remember her face…

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.230

The rent of my apartment includes utilities, which means I can use them as much as I want. Since it’s murderously hot everyday, I’ve spent most of time inside my air-conditioned apartment, working for music and watching America’s TV shows. A few days ago, there was a note in my mailbox from the management company of this apartment. It said that even though it’s utility-included, my usage has been so excessive that they may charge me unless the usage drops to an ordinary amount. Well, I do have my say on this. First of all, I need air-conditioning more because my room is a duplex apartment and the roof is merely nailed iron plates that conduct heat extremely well. It’s their fault, not mine. Secondly, who decides the ordinary amount? Japanese people are obsessed to categorize everything and they don’t allow someone or something sticks out. I hate to be categorized and fight against it all the time here. They should accept there is someone who works at home during the night and sleeps in the daytime. Thirdly, the note asked me to care about the environment. They must think using the word ‘environment’ makes them a saint. It was them who had chosen iron plates for the roof! Before they start charging me, I really need to get out of this apartment…

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.229

It’s been one of the hottest summers in history of Japan. Surely it’s the hottest summer in my life. The daytime high often reaches over 95 degrees and that has locked me up in my apartment. To make the most of a day like this, I placed an order of groceries at an online supermarket and had them delivered today. They carried a special promotion to give a customer a box of laundry detergent for free any $50 or above purchase. I had calculated carefully and made the total $50.48. After the delivery person left, I noticed the detergent was missing. There was a piece of paper instead, that said one of the items I’d ordered was sold out and its price was subtracted from the total. As a result, the new total got less than $50. I felt furious and was on the verge of calling for complaint when I recalled the delivery person. In the midst of the unbearable heat, he came up to my door, carrying heavy grocery bags and boxes, yet smiling and courteous. All I had to do was to receive them, and still, I was complaining about a dollar or so. I wonder why the smaller money is, the more persistently I pursue…

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.228

As my condition got better in the hospital, I went through a thorough examination to be determined whether I could be released from the hospital. For the examination, I was required not to eat anything but water for 24 hours. As a child, I had hardly skipped a meal before and I felt dizzy from hunger less than six hours into a fast. A girl whose bed was next to mine had put up a drawing above her bed. There was a shining sun in it, and it looked a sunny-side up egg to me. Because it was a full examination, it was going to take long in several different rooms. Although I asked my mother to accompany me during the whole process, she didn’t make it, again, as usual. I gave up after waiting for her as long as a nurse let me, and went for the examination with the nurse. The building where it took place was far from my hospital room and I needed to be in a wheelchair because my illness had required me to be inactive and quiet. All those things made me very nervous, so lonely and extremely hungry. The result was good and finally, my hospital life in the summer at the age of nine ended after one month. I survived nephritis but almost died from hunger on the day of the examination…

Friday, August 13, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.227

Since I was in the hospital for nephritis, I needed a special diet. I wasn’t allowed to take in salt. Each meal for me was salt-free and it tasted horrible. My mother felt pity for me and brought salty snacks every time she visited me. She encouraged me to eat them under my bed lest anyone see that. One day, I was caught by the other kid’s mother. She asked me where I got the toxic foods. She was astounded to hear that my own mother had brought them to me. After three weeks in the hospital, my condition got better and I was allowed to take a bath. My mother unusually came to see me early on that day to accompany me in the bathroom. Back in my hospital room, she bound my hair with ribbons without drying it. A nurse saw it and sharply scolded us because I might catch a cold. My mother was smiling, embarrassed, but wouldn’t redo, as it was too tiresome for her to dry and bind my hair all over again. I admit I was a bad patient, but my mother was the worst mother of a patient…

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.226

Back in my hospital life of my childhood, the next room to mine was a room for six boys. One of them was a five-year-old boy with leukemia. He often hung around my room and we got along well. I taught him how to fold origami. Because he was little, his mother stayed at the hospital with him. She frequently yelled at him, hit him and even kicked him. I was terrified of her. One day, my mother came to see me and went to take some tea for me from the free tea stand near my room. There, I saw her talking with the boy’s mother and learned that he had only a few months to live. His mother sounded so gentle and so sad. I understood why she treated him like that. For the first time in my life, I realized that sorrow and desperation led to unreasonable anger. Although I was only nine years old, I had never felt mortality so closely and strongly while playing with him…

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.225

My partner is very attentive and observant. And often, he is too much so. He does good things to me that I don’t ask for. Mostly I’m happy about it but sometimes it gets on my nerves. As what he does or says is always for me, I feel like shouting ‘Leave me alone!’ He anticipates what I want and does that before me. Although I want to have things done to my own liking, he does them for me before I go about it and requires my gratitude. Yesterday, he cleaned the stairs of my apartment in his way that was different from the way I was going to clean them. And he pushed his kindness to me as usual. I didn’t thank him because I had sensed that what he always claimed to do for me was actually for himself. In my view, he should thank me for letting him do in his way. That threw us into a fight. Too much kindness is a burden…

Friday, August 6, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.224

Apartment hunting that I’ve been doing for a few months now leads me to think a lot about my future. Since the choice has to do with how much I can afford and how long I intend to live there, it’s inevitable to make a long-term plan. For a person like me who doesn’t have a steady income, that’s extremely difficult. As the basics, I started with the worst-case scenario. It reasonably excluded some fancy apartment from my picks, and boosted fear for my future. I realized once again how uncertain my future was. Of course, there is still a possibility the best-case scenario will come into play, but if not? I might end up being a lonely old woman with no place to live. That depressed me so bitterly. After a few days of depression, I decided not to think about the future for a change, and began to live a day at a time. It worked for me. I’ve felt easy and full since then…

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.223

A couple of days ago, I found a small swelling under my tongue. I was horrified if it was cancer. The next day, my lip slightly swelled. I suspected some kind of allergy. I’d never had an allergy before and I recalled what I’d eaten for the first time lately. I’d had sukiyaki sauce that had been thrown in as a freebie when I bought groceries at an online supermarket. Also, I’d started taking blueberry supplements for my eyesight, as it had become blurry for some time and I’d felt fatigue in my eyes. I stopped having either of them and the swellings subsided. I convicted sukiyaki sauce of allergy. I resumed taking blueberry supplements and today, I woke up with a big fat lip. I look like a cartoon. My funny face is even funnier. I misjudged sukiyaki sauce and the criminal was the supplements, which I dared to invest for my eyesight although it was costly. I can’t go out today like this as I planned…

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.222

I installed Cubase 5 to my new computer for mastering of our new song. I’ve decided to do the mastering by myself instead of taking it to a professional. Basically, I don’t trust those who are so-called professionals or authorities. I believe I can do better. After working on the song for seven years, I don’t feel like leaving it to someone in this very last process. It might hit a dead end, and then, I’ll turn to an expert. But until then, at least I want to try and I think it’s worth trying. On the other hand, by doing so, It’s become uncertain whether the song should be completed by the end of this year…