Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.203

It’s the middle of the rainy season in Japan. Even without sunshine, daytime highs are around 86 degrees every day. The worst thing is unbearable humidity. It easily exceeds 90%. We are virtually walking around inside a sauna. Maybe because of the horrible conditions, I haven’t been well lately. I’ve felt tired and had a mild headache all the time. Of course I use air conditioning, but the huge difference between inside and outside somehow makes me sick. That has deprived me of a party although we’ve just published on Kindle our second book, ‘Hidemi’s Rambling Volume Two’. I really had to do something for my poor condition and bought an ‘unagi’ bowl at a supermarket. An ‘unagi’ bowl is a Japanese dish that has a slice of a grilled eel over rice and is poured with sweet sauce made by soy sauce. It’s usually expensive, but I got one using a cheaper Chinese eel, also at half price. Eating an eel is supposed to be effective to get physical strength in Japan and people are having it in summer. I counted on an eel this time too. But while I’m explaining an ‘unagi’ bowl, it sounds more and more grotesque. I eat a strange thing…

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.202

After the mix down of our new song, I couldn’t manage to get it to the suitable volume. Instead of taking it to a recording studio to adjust it at the mastering, I decided to do the mastering by installing Cubase AI on my different computer, recording the song to it and increasing the volume. The other night, I had a dream in which I took the song to a studio engineer for the mastering. I listened to the finished sound by the engineer and screamed in despair, ‘No! This isn’t what I wanted at all! This is too muffled!’ And I woke up. It seems that I think the sound of our new song isn’t crisp enough. Now that my dream told me so, I will use the equalizer again on the mastering. Thus, our new song is in a final burst. Well, I’ve been saying this for over six months now…

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.201

Where I grew up wasn’t a good neighborhood. To my mother, seeing her child go to a public junior high school was out of the question. To get in a privileged private junior high, she made me go to a supplementary private school after the classes of elementary school. But even to get in the supplementary school, there was an entrance examination because it was for selective kids. As the public elementary school I attended was low at the educational level, my score of the exam was bad although I was the smartest at school. But the exam included an IQ test, which I had never taken before. In a three-way interview between the examiner, my mother and me after the exam, the examiner told us that he had never seen this high IQ before. I was supposed to fail the exam due to the low marks, but they let me pass as an exception considering my high IQ. Since then, I’ve leaning on my IQ for my life. My IQ is the only source of my confidence in my pathetic life but it’s the reason of my suffering as well. I’ve been unable to accept each and every failure of mine because I don’t understand why my high IQ couldn’t avoid it. Why do I fail in so many things? Why am I unsuccessful? Will I end my life without making use of my IQ? My partner compares me to a Formula One car. Although it runs faster than any other cars on a circuit, it’s completely useless on a regular street. I’m looking for a circuit for me but unfortunately, roads in the real world are all rugged with various obstacles…

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.200

When I was little, my mother constantly said bad things about others. She believed that, even when someone was kind to her, there must have been some plot behind the nice gesture. To sum up what she talked about every day, there are only evil people in this world. In kindergarten, mothers would fix a lunchbox for their kids and the kids would have it with their classmates and their teacher. At one lunchtime, when I was opening a lid of my lunchbox, I inadvertently dropped it to the floor without having a single bite and it overturned there. I lost my lunch. While other kids laughed at me, my teacher, who had been trying so hard to make me play with other kids, cleaned up the mess for me and took me to a small candy store outside the kindergarten. She told me to pick any bread I liked. I picked one timidly, feeling afraid what kind of trap this would be, as I didn’t have any money. She suggested one more. I couldn’t figure out what was going on and shook my head. She picked one more piece of bread by herself, took out money from her own wallet, and gave all the bread to me. I was stunned. She bought me lunch. It was the first time that someone unrelated to me was so kind to me. Since then, I had started talking to her. Even after I finished kindergarten, I had kept exchanging letters with her and I still send her a Christmas card every year. She was the first person who destroyed my mother’s theory of the evil world and taught me that there were some good people in this world…

Monday, June 21, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.199

I spent two years in kindergarten playing alone. The first year was quite peaceful because no one, including my teacher, cared that I didn’t play nor talk with anybody. But in the second year, the peace was broken by the teacher who took charge of my class. She did care and worried about my withdrawn attitude. One day, she suggested me to play with her outside at recess. She held my hand and took me outside. The biggest attraction was a trampoline at the playground. Kids would wait in line for their turn at recess. My teacher joined the line with me, saying to other kids ‘Let’s play with Hidemi! Make friends with her!’ They looked at me dubiously but reluctantly agreed because it was their teacher who told them to do. While I was waiting in line, I got more and more unbearable to be among others, standing so close to them. I observed the trampoline too, and it seemed impossible for me to reach the center of it by avoiding fall through gaps between the round frame and the mat. I began to search the way to escape from this deadlock but my hand was tightly held by my teacher’s. As my turn became imminent, I felt desperate. Then, the teacher said to me ‘Your turn is next. Now that you have this many friends, you can play without me, can’t you?’ and saying to other kids ‘Be nice to Hidemi!’ she returned inside. All at once, I ran away from the kids and the trampoline. I ran to the far edge of the playground and stood there. Kids were playing as if nothing had happened. I secured the enough distance from others and felt safe. Ironically, nothing has changed since then, as I’m still distant from the society…

Friday, June 18, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.198

I don’t get along with people generally and it had been so back in kindergarten already. I hated everything there. Other kids seemed too stupid and childish to me. The activities in the class were relentlessly silly. The teachers treated us like a bunch of fools. But seeing other kids do, I always thought they were actually a bunch of fools. I wished they grew up and got smarter fast. Soon after I got in the kindergarten, going there every day became a torture to me. Sleeplessness on weekdays was my norm. I got fed up with the whole stupidities there and stopped talking with anybody. Some kids even believed that I was mute. They played outside at recess but I had never joined them. I spent the recess alone in the classroom, rounding the clay into balls and rolling it into strings. I didn’t make them to form something by them. Balls and strings were the finished products. When I used up the whole chunk of my clay, I reversed the balls and strings to a wad and started making them all over again. I spent two years just doing that everyday while I was disgusted by other kids playing, jumping, and screaming outside childishly…

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.197

I don’t have a child and probably won’t have one all my life. But in my dreams, I’ve cuddled my baby for several times. It’s a boy and always the same baby, and I firmly believe I have a child in a different dimension. One day, in my dream, or in that dimension, I saw him in his twenties. It was the future. He lived in a secluded village and was devoted to an unfamiliar future sport. He didn’t notice me as I was watching him from somewhere far. I was so happy to see my baby have grown up and see him not working at an office as a businessman. An elderly man passed by me and I asked him about the sport my son was practicing intently. My question was if the sport was some kind of official, recognized, or popular, which was somehow a possible way to make money. He told me that this sport was completely unknown to the public and there was no event or competition, thus it never brought money whatsoever, not a cent. I burst into tears for joy. Not only he didn’t become an office worker for a steady income, but also he chose the profession that was totally unrelated to money or fame. He wasn’t interested in them. His only interest was the sport. I couldn’t stop crying for joy, thinking how ideally he had grown up and what a perfect son he was to me. I felt thoroughly proud of him and grateful for him to become as he was. Since I saw that dream, I’ve felt more confident of myself, because I’ve raised an honorable child in the other dimension…

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.196

My parents married by an arranged marriage. Marriage used to be a knot between two families, not individuals in Japan. A mutual acquaintance introduced my parents to both families with their photographs. Although my parents didn’t like each other, the tie as the family seemed favorable to their parents. My mother agreed with the marriage very unwillingly after the fortuneteller said that she would handle money by the hundred million if she married my father. As for my father, he reluctantly obeyed his parents’ decision because he had never said ‘no’ to his father in his life. A month after the wedding, my mother decided to leave my father because she couldn’t stand to live with his parents any longer. She went back to her parents’ home but her father didn’t allow her to come back. She had no place to go and gave in to her dismal marriage. And I was born. I wasn’t the result of a happy marriage, but I embodied my mother’s resignation…

Monday, June 14, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.195

My mother turns to a fortuneteller when it comes to a big decision. Every big decision that has fundamentally influenced her life was made by a fortuneteller, including her marriage. When my parents named their children, they of course had a fortuneteller choose ones. So, I was named by a total stranger. My parents had their each pick for my name when they visited the fortuneteller and they also had a few other names as spares just in case. The fortuneteller picked ‘Hidemi’ out of the spares, which was neither of their picks. Most Japanese names are written in Chinese characters. Each of the characters has its inherent meaning. My name is composed of two characters. The character for ‘hide’ means ‘excellent’ and the one for ‘mi’ means ‘beautiful’. In Japan, we are often asked the corresponding characters to the name when we give out our names. I always explain ‘Hidemi as in excellent and beautiful.’ And the person who hears it almost always gives me a wry smile. I know how they feel…

Friday, June 11, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.194

It’s the weekend for GP of Canada. One time, when I was in Montreal, I got the information for a pit stop competition as one of the race week events. It was a free event in which the team crew competed for the fastest time of their pit work. I went to the circuit but nobody was there except for a few staff members who were preparing for the GP. At a couple of the gates, the staff stopped me saying that there was no event today. But because I was adamant about the pit stop competition, they let me through with suspicious looks. At the last entrance gate to the circuit, though, I was decisively denied to go through. I repeated about the event and they called the security staff. They discussed the matter together by talking over their walkie-talkies. They couldn’t confirm the event and told me to leave. It was a long walk from the subway station and I didn’t want to make this an unnecessary trip. Enclosed by the circuit, there stands a casino. I played there not to waste my trip. I lost a lot of money instead. The next day, I found out that the pit stop competition was held at a closed section of the street downtown Montreal. In Japan, the similar event is usually held at a circuit during the GP week and I was certain it was the case in Canada, too. I felt so embarrassed about my blindly assured manner to the circuit staff, based on a false assumption. Above all, what a costly event it turned to, thinking of the money I lost at the casino…

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.193

The nearest supermarket to my apartment puts half-off stickers to the prepared foods that are left unsold at 7:30 p.m. And sometimes, they put 75% off stickers to the ones that are still unsold after the half off at 8:30 p.m. But it all depends on the unsold amount and the 75% off sale is rarely fulfilled. When it is, though, the supermarket turns into heaven to me. It’s a risky challenge worth a bet. I decided to go for it today and convinced myself that the main purpose was not to get the 75% off foods but to take a walk. This is my fail-safe mindset to protect myself from a bitter disappointment in case nothing is left at the store. I went there, and lost the bet. Their shelf for prepared foods was completely emptied. I kept saying to myself that I came here to take a walk, not to shop. But I had to buy some other mildly discounted items to console myself. I couldn’t shake off the frustration in any way. My fail-safe plan didn’t work for my greed…

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.192

As a daily routine, I check my horoscope every morning on TV. Mine warned a fight. I checked my partner’s and to my surprise, it foresaw a fight, too. We had never had this similar horoscope before. It seemed impossible to avoid a fight as it was and I fell back on another horoscope on my cell phone to offset the ones on TV. I was speechless when I saw it also say that there would be a fight. Now, a fight was inevitable very likely between my partner and me. Feeling gloom, I was ready for it. But I still hoped I could manage to avert a fight somehow and spent the whole day studying his mood carefully and flattering him. As the day wore on, I was extremely tired from the effort not to offend him, which I wasn’t used to. In desperation, I even tried to initiate a fight because I wanted to do away with it. He showed no interest and a fight didn’t happen. It was such a nerve-wracking day. I might as well have a fight as endure a stressful day avoiding one…

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.191

Jacques Villeneuve is my most favorite racing driver alive. I saw him racing for the first time on my first ever visit to a circuit in Suzuka, Japan. Before the Formula One race, there was a Formula Three race as a pre-race event. Jacques was racing in it. I hadn’t known him until then, but when I saw his driving, I predicted that he would be a Formula One driver someday. After that, he went on racing in North America, and won Indy 500. Four years after I first saw his race, he came to Formula One just as I had predicted. Because he realized my prediction, I became a big fan of his and cheered him ardently every race. He eventually became the world champion. Seven years ago today, I met him in person. I was in Montreal and happened to drop by a restaurant for lunch while running an errand. He was there. What are the odds that you bump into someone whom you have wished to meet so badly for a long time? It was a pure miracle to me. I knew he wouldn’t like to be bothered his private time but I couldn’t help approaching him. He listened to me kindly, patiently, smiling, while I was spouting about how much I admired him. We shook hands. I usually wear nice clothes to eat out but on that particular day, I didn’t expect to go into a restaurant. As the happiest moment of my life, of all the clothes, I met him in a $5 jacket, a $7 skirt and with a necklace I had picked up on the street…

Monday, June 7, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.190

Yesterday I happened to see a news program on TV reporting about a discount store, which carried the lowest price soda in Japan. ‘Lowest price’ is the keyword that always hooks me and I watched the report. Astonishingly, the reported store is located near my apartment. I rushed into the store today. It existed on the site of a supermarket where I used to shop frequently but was closed for good four years ago. The building had been abandoned until the new discount store opened there last July. I can’t believe I had neglected to find it for almost a year as a person who is hunting for the lowest price constantly. While the building was the same as four years ago, the store had been transformed into my taste. The prices are incredibly low, some are the lowest in Japan, and the store opens 24 hours! I had wanted an around-the-clock discount store for years. Since I decided to move out here, I’ve found fabulous shopping destinations one after another - first Costco, then this place. Is this a sign to stay put? I’m so confused now…

Friday, June 4, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.189

I successfully got up earlier than usual enough to shop at Costco before it closed for the day yesterday. It was my first time to shop there in the evening and the store was a lot less crowded and easier to move around with its gigantic cart because housewives in large numbers had gone home. I bought huge squares of garlic bread with a coupon, which price was about a quarter of the one at regular bakeries in Japan. After shopping, I had a slice of the delicious pizza outside the store watching the beautiful twilight sky. To go home, I need to walk for 15 minutes to the bus stop and take the bus to the train station before I take the train. When I was walking along the street toward the bus stop, I was passed by three buses in succession only several yards off to the bus stop. I thought I would have to wait for the next bus for a long time but two buses came in succession right away. This local bus line has the world’s largest services, I guess. I came home and tried a piece of the garlic bread. It was so delicious but soon, I had heartburn. I had another piece for lunch today and had heartburn again. If it doesn’t suit my digestion, what should I do with the massive rest of the bread…?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.188

The first CD we made was a compilation album. We left the master DAT to a recording engineer to do the mastering for the CD press. When we received the master CD from the studio, the sound was a lot different from the master we had made. We didn’t expect the mastering changed the sound this much and preferred ours. We complained and they redid the mastering. From this bitter experience, when we released our original album in Japan, we joined in the recording studio for mastering. But a professional engineer worked for the actual mastering by asking our taste and we just examined whether the sound he was making was what we had desired or not. Now, I’ve been doing the mastering of our new song by myself and realized that the process has a lot of possibilities for sound and it’s the area to use creativity. I found it fun but because of it, the completion has been delayed more and more…

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.187

I go to sleep around 7 or 8 a.m. and get up in the evening these days. To go to my favorite Costco, I need to get up early because it takes time to prepare to go out, to get to Costco and to shop there before it closes. I went to bed much earlier than usual last night to go there today. I was sleepy and the plan seemed to work out. But while I was lying on the bed, I became less tired and more awake. The pressure to get up early the next morning also made me sleepless. I could have read a book, but the one I’ve been reading is a Stephen King which is never boring thus might keep me even more awake. I just wasted time in bed and fell asleep in the morning as usual. I managed to wake up in the early afternoon for Costco, though. But after only five-hour sleep, I felt drowsy and exhausted. Going to Costco requires a great deal of energy for a long trip and heavy bags, and there’s no way of doing that with a condition like this. I gave up going there today. Why does it close so early like at 8 p.m.? By the time I get up and prepare, most shops have already closed…

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Hidemi's Rambling No.186

Last weekend, the collision between the teammates happened at GP of Turkey. Weber and Vettel belong to the same team, and were running first and second when they collided. The win was handed over to Hamilton whom I disliked. Because the two drivers are my favorite drivers and I was cheering for them, I got furious from disappointment. If I were a team manager, I would fire them right away. In my history as an avid Formula One fan, I’ve fired countless drivers and team members in front of TV or from the stands of the circuits. Come to think of it, I’m a fan who doesn’t even have a driver’s license. So, I’m in no position at all to criticize an overtaking maneuver. If not behind the wheel, I’m too hot and passionate about the racing, and I wouldn’t be able to make cool and calm strategies. What If I were a pit engineer? I’m naturally clumsy so I would get tangled with a cord of an electrical nut screwer when the car pits in and would fall over the car. At least couldn’t I wax a Formula One car before the race? I’m not a morning person and can’t wake up in the morning, so the race would start before I arrive at the pit. While I judge their work in every race, I don’t have the slightest capability for the jobs in the beautiful, glamorous world of Formula One…