When I lived in California, the apartment I rented had an
outside Jacuzzi. I liked taking it at night, seeing the sky above.
Under the palm trees, I watched an airplane’s small dot of light
blinking and moving through the stars. It was the moment that I felt
like a winner who obtained a life in paradise by getting out of not only
Japan but also my family to which I had been a bound successor. Prices
in the U.S. were extremely low compared to Japan back then because of
the strong yen. It seemed to me that everything was on sale and I
literally lived in a bargain country. Sadly, my life in paradise didn’t
last long, though. The Japanese economy crashed and yen turned weak.
Inflation had edged up in the States as well. Price hikes assaulted me
in all directions. I became unable to pay the rent even if I had moved
into a cheap motel. I was practically kicked out of the States and the
plane brought bitterly-discouraged myself back to Japan where I returned
to a life of reality in a teeny-tiny apartment. Time went by, and I had
benefited from technological advances like the Internet and computers,
and also from the fall of housing value in Japan. Those benefits let me
live in a condominium that has a communal spa. I take a Jacuzzi there
watching a beautiful view of the mountains with lingering snow out of
big windows. One day, I felt so euphoric that I thought this wasn’t
real. I thought I may have already died from that northern Japan’s
severe earthquake or from the subsequent meltdown of the nuclear plant,
and must be in heaven now. That reminded me of the sensation I had felt
in a Jacuzzi in California. I had never expected that I would experience
an equally enraptured life here in Japan when I parted with it there.
If I traveled back in time with a time machine, I could talk to my other
self who was in despair on the flight to Japan from the States. I would
say to her, “Years from now, you will get another chance to live in
paradise!” I would tell her that she wouldn’t give up music and would
have completed two songs back in Japan that had quality she had been
craved for and entirely satisfied with. How easier the flight would’ve
been if I had heard those words there. I was too hopeless to imagine so
much as a speck of the possibility. I always find myself foolish in
hindsight whenever I look back later. There are tons of things I have to
say to my past self beforehand. The question is, what would my future
self tell me now if she looked at me taking the Jacuzzi here. Would she
say, “Embrace the moment. It’s the pinnacle of your life”? Or would she
say, “Prepare yourself. It’s just the beginning”? I desperately hope for
the latter…
Saturday, July 15, 2017
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