I went out for lunch with my partner at a cafe the other day that stood
across the train station in a Japanese desolate rural town where I live.
To call it a cafe is a bit too fancy. It’s not the likes of Starbucks
but rather a small old mom-and-pop diner that was built well over 30
years ago and remained as it was, which perfectly matched this old town
itself.
We sat at the table and
overheard a conversation from the table next to us. Three old women in
their eighties sat around the table by the window. “She has passed away,
too.” “This could be the last time we get together.” Although they were
exchanging a downright sad conversation, they were talking in a
matter-of-fact way and their chats were lively.
While
we were eating a salad with watermelon that came with our main dishes
of curry and rice with a fried pork cutlet, a family of three came in. A
boy about ten years old and his parents in their thirties sat at the
table near ours. As soon as their orders were taken, the boy started
reading one of comic books that the diner placed for customers, and his
father went outside to smoke. His mother was staring into space.The
father came back in when their dishes arrived on the table but they
didn’t talk while they were eating. Except that the parents occasionally
said something to the boy separately, there was no conversation between
the parents. After they finished eating, the father went out again to
make a phone call, the boy played with diner’s puzzle toys, and the
mother stared into space again. I saw through the window the father talk
with someone over his phone pleasantly while smoking and laughing. He
came back in and also began to play with a puzzle toy. I thought it was
much more fun for him to have lunch with a person on his phone.
Quite
too often, I see a married couple having almost no conversation at a
restaurant. I wonder if people stop talking each other when they get
married. While they must have clicked each other enough to get married
in the first place, what makes them fall silent? Since I have never been
married, I have no idea whether it’s because they have changed or they
have lost interest in each other after marriage. The closest married
couple I know is my parents, which means my knowledge about marriage is a
generation old. My parents are from farming villages in Kyoto that is
the oldest city in Japan. According to the old custom, their marriage
was arranged by their families’ intention not their own. Inevitably,
they were strangers with no affection whatsoever. In my childhood, my
mother used to say, “I wouldn’t have married such an ugly guy like your
father unless he had money.” Times have changed, and people get married
by their own will in Japan. Nevertheless, if a couple who liked each
other finds it difficult to talk once they marry, I don’t understand
what marriage is for. The mystery deepens still more.
The
family of three left hastily after they were done with the toys and
staring. The party of three old women ordered refills of their soft
drinks repeatedly and lingered at the table with their conversations, as
if they were reluctant to leave the diner.
Friday, September 18, 2020
Marriage in Japan hr634
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