Friday, May 20, 2016
Reward hr569
My parents didn’t get married for love. Their marriage was part of a
deal to inherit the family’s fortune and they took it for money. Another
part of the deal was to carry on the family and they had me as a
successor. It had gone according to their plan until I decided to do
what I wanted for my life and left home. Since then, they attempted
every evil way to pull me back in the family. They tried all possible
means to make me give up my carrier as a musician. They said I had no
talent, I was a failure, and how bad I was as a human being, over and
over at every opportunity. They conned me once big time. Out of the blue
they offered money to set up my own record label, and after I rented an
office and hired the staff, they suddenly withdrew their money, crushed
my label and bankrupted me. I defied any kind of attack, threat,
temptation and begging from them because I was determined to be a
musician. When they realized I wouldn’t succeed the family, they told me
not to even visit them because they didn’t want to see me any more. On
their repeated requests not to come see them in their house, I
understood they didn’t need their child who wasn’t a successor. From
that experience, I have a doubt about a concept of unconditional love. I
spent about 10 years to complete my last song. The new song I’ve been
currently working on hasn’t been completed yet after four years. It was
not because I was loitering over my work on purpose. Making music is the
only thing I do seriously without compromise. I don’t want to let time
interfere with my music. It’s completed when I’m satisfactorily
convinced it’s finished. And I dream of my future in which my song will
be such a big hit that it will make me a celebrity and take me to
Monaco. The other day, I noticed an unfavorable fact. While I dedicate
my life for my songs that I spend all my effort, time and passion on, I
unconsciously expect reward from them. Although I already have so much
fun and feel indescribable happiness during work, I believe that my
songs should bring me money and fame someday. That sounds awfully like
my parents’ attitude toward me. They raised me while they expected
reward when I grew up. Do I also nurture my songs for reward when they
are completed? If so, I will end up exploding my anger if my songs don’t
reward me with money and fame. Am I the same as my parents after all or
can I give unconditional love to my songs? I get enough reward in the
process of completing songs. My reward is done when songs are done. From
then on, all I should care is to make my songs happy, which means to
support them all my life by doing whatever I possibly can to make them
be heard by a lot of people. Can I love my songs that way and be
satisfied with my life until the day I die? I must try. Because even if I
don’t have any money or fame at all, I think I’ve already received
reward called life with freedom and happiness…