Hidemi's Rambling No.151

In place of my parents who were busy working out in a field as farmers from dawn till late night, I was raised by my grandmother. Although I spent most of time at home with her, we had a quite distant relationship. She was rigid and quiet, and I had felt tense all the time. She was friendly to my younger sister but with me, she herself seemed strained. I was regarded as a successor of the family back then and she treated me like some sort of VIP. She didn’t accept idle talk and didn’t understand any joke. Whenever I was talking casually, she stopped what she was doing right away and fixed her eyes on me to listen. So, it was impossible to have relaxed conversation with her. Also, she was strict about manners and chided me for my way of eating, sitting at the table, or walking. Consequently, our mealtimes were silent. Sometimes, she would set my meal at the table perfectly and retreat to her room like a servant. She hardly talked about anything personal, and even when I asked, she just shrugged it off as if it was irrelevant. I had lived with her for over 20 years but I never knew her. Three years have passed since she passed away, and she still remains as a mystery to me…